New Version of Me

Some things are better when done with a dear old friend.

I like to travel up and down the city in search of the perfect Sunday meal. Fortunately, there is no shortage of fabulous places here in New York for Sunday brunch, so when my friend CJ told me she was visiting New York this weekend, I had to narrow down my list of favorite brunch spots and decide on the perfect place to take my dear friend.

Nothing less than Le Bilboquet would do. The food there is so fabulous that the restaurant doesn't even have a sign on the front. You either know this place, or you don't.

We had bellinis and their famous salmon and guacamole to start. For her entree, she had their Le Risotto Aux Champignons, and I had the Moules Mariniéres et Frites. For dessert, we shared the Chocolate Mousse.

(source: Google images)

But even better than the food, it felt really, really good to spend time with an old friend. I usually spend the weekends alone, or with new friends, but having a friend from my "old" life and having her see me in my "new" life - I felt happy and proud. Most of my old friends don't know of the NY Nova-san and only know of my previous Maryland incarnation.

But this "new" version of me is better and improved. It's a happier, livelier and more hip version. It's a version that knows good places to eat and one that is excited to explore. I think of how I used to be: a shy, quiet girl who thought that her mother's kitchen in Gaithersburg was the best place in the world to eat (it still is, for me) and a girl who hated crowds and people. But that girl has evolved - and I was happy for CJ to see me as I am now.

Good times really are about sharing a part of yourself with the people you trust and letting them see a side of you that may be newly discovered or still changing and growing.

Enjoying my life in New York is one thing, but sharing it with a friend is priceless.

"The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart." ~ Elisabeth Foley

"A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world." ~ Lois Wyse

Due Amanti

So I kind of fell in love this weekend.

With Joaquin Phoenix.

I have always liked him as an actor, but watching him in Two Lovers sealed it for me.

His portrayal of a broken-hearted and simply broken guy was so real and so touching, that you just ached to reach into the screen and grab him and hold him to your chest, stroke his hair, and tell him that everything was going to be okay.

I was never a big fan of Gwyneth Paltrow, but her character, although also a bit broken, is one for which you can feel sympathy, despite some of the stupid decisions her character makes.

It's a classic lovers triangle kind of story, with a Dostoyevsky twist.

"And was it his destined part

Only one moment in his life

To be close to your heart?

Or was he fated from the start

to live for just one fleeting instant,

within the purlieus of your heart." ~ Ivan Turgenev

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Mine

Eventually, one does get tired of caring.

I feel as though all my life I've tried hard to please people. First, my parents, then my brother and sister, then my teachers, my friends, and so on, and so on. A people-pleaser. That's what I've always been. It's been an unspoken characteristic of mine to always do what others have wanted, regardless of how I felt.

The last few years have not been so kind to me, so I have not been up to par in pleasing people these days. For pure survival reasons, I have had to disappoint people to get, not necessarily what I want, but definitely to get what I need.

I was so angry about something this evening that I contemplated just shutting down this site and never looking back. I haven't been writing anything of substance lately anyway. It's mostly just been mumblings about my pathetic lack of a life, but I realized right before I hit the "delete blog" button that these words that fill this site - they are mine, and mine alone. This site wasn't created to please someone, or anyone - I created this site for me. This site is here for me to pour out my heart's content (or discontent) and a place for me to exorcise my demons. Maybe some of the words here may displease some or even anger others, but I have come to realize: I REALLY DO NOT CARE.

So read on, if you care to do so, but if you do, do not judge me. You have no idea what it's like to walk in my shoes.

This is my page, and if what I write offends or displeases you, you are free to leave.

But leave your judgments on the next blog. Not here.

Not in the one place where I am supposed to be free to express myself.

Hudson River Lights

I had not realized this, but the fireworks display here in New York City over the Hudson River was apparently the biggest in the country.

Earlier in the day, I had regretted not driving down to Maryland to be with my second family, but after this, I was glad that I stayed in the city.

Ahhh... New York, I really do love you at times.

Canada Day

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CANADA!!!

Hope you're having fun today, Gary.